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Facing refusal, especially when it happens repeatedly, is far from pleasant. An editor is turning you down, delivering a definite “No.” Being an author, I am well acquainted with rejection. I commenced pitching articles five decades ago, just after college graduation. From that point, I have had multiple books rejected, along with book ideas and many essays. During the recent score of years, specializing in op-eds, the rejections have grown more frequent. In a typical week, I receive a rejection every few days—totaling more than 100 annually. Overall, denials in my profession number in the thousands. By now, I could claim a PhD in rejection.

However, is this a self-pitying rant? Absolutely not. Since, at last, at the age of 73, I have accepted rejection.

In What Way Have I Managed It?

Some context: Now, nearly each individual and their distant cousin has given me a thumbs-down. I haven’t kept score my win-lose ratio—doing so would be quite demoralizing.

A case in point: lately, a publication rejected 20 submissions one after another before saying yes to one. A few years ago, over 50 publishing houses vetoed my manuscript before one approved it. Later on, 25 agents passed on a project. One editor requested that I send articles less often.

My Seven Stages of Setback

When I was younger, every no stung. I took them personally. It seemed like my creation being rejected, but myself.

As soon as a manuscript was rejected, I would start the phases of denial:

• Initially, disbelief. Why did this occur? Why would they be ignore my talent?
• Next, refusal to accept. Surely it’s the mistake? It has to be an mistake.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do editors know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my labours? It’s nonsense and your publication stinks. I refuse this refusal.
• Fourth, anger at them, followed by self-blame. Why do I do this to myself? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, pleading (often seasoned with false hope). How can I convince you to recognise me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Sixth, depression. I lack skill. What’s more, I’ll never be accomplished.

So it went for decades.

Notable Precedents

Certainly, I was in fine company. Tales of creators whose books was at first rejected are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Virtually all writer of repute was originally turned down. If they could succeed despite no’s, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was cut from his school team. The majority of Presidents over the past six decades had previously lost races. Sylvester Stallone claims that his script for Rocky and desire to appear were rejected numerous times. For him, denial as an alarm to wake me up and persevere, not backing down,” he has said.

Acceptance

Then, as I reached my later years, I reached the final phase of setback. Understanding. Now, I grasp the many reasons why someone says no. To begin with, an editor may have recently run a similar piece, or have something in the pipeline, or just be thinking about a similar topic for another contributor.

Or, more discouragingly, my pitch is of limited interest. Or maybe the editor thinks I don’t have the experience or reputation to fit the bill. Or isn’t in the field for the content I am peddling. Or didn’t focus and read my piece hastily to see its quality.

You can call it an epiphany. Any work can be rejected, and for any reason, and there is pretty much not much you can do about it. Certain reasons for rejection are forever out of your hands.

Within Control

Additional reasons are under your control. Admittedly, my pitches and submissions may sometimes be ill-conceived. They may not resonate and resonance, or the point I am attempting to convey is poorly presented. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe something about my grammar, particularly commas, was unacceptable.

The point is that, despite all my decades of effort and rejection, I have succeeded in being published in many places. I’ve authored two books—the initial one when I was 51, another, a personal story, at 65—and over a thousand pieces. Those pieces have featured in newspapers big and little, in regional, worldwide platforms. My first op-ed was published decades ago—and I have now contributed to many places for half a century.

Still, no blockbusters, no author events publicly, no appearances on talk shows, no presentations, no prizes, no Pulitzers, no international recognition, and no Presidential Medal. But I can better handle no at my age, because my, admittedly modest successes have eased the jolts of my many rejections. I can now be philosophical about it all today.

Educational Setbacks

Setback can be helpful, but when you pay attention to what it’s indicating. Otherwise, you will almost certainly just keep taking rejection the wrong way. So what insights have I gained?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What